Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
