I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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