billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
