guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he puts the penis in happiness.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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