i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
