peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are two peas in an std pod
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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