U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
