Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
