It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She bit a glass in half.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
