Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
