Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
