Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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