guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I supernannyed him into submission
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
