Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
