Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
