it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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