If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
