Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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