did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
