She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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