Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
