Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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