I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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