i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
