WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
