So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
