big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
