...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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