I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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