somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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