Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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