I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
