Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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