nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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