awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
