I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
