I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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