The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
