I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
