yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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