I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
