he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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