your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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