Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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