Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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