Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I looked at my own cervix.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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