Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
