I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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