oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
