Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
