he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
