Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
