Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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