If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
