dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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