Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
