I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
