Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
