he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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