the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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