Sry I called you an 8
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
