I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
