bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
