Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry about my life...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
