i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Operation Purity has been aborted
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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