FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
