Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
