I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
