You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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