I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
