Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize