If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
