it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
