I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
