oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
