I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
