My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
