So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
