my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
