she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
