Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
