im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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